A common question grievers ask is, “Where do I go from here?”  Dealing with grief is the least talked about and therefor, the least understood subject in the Western world.  We have a lot of information about how to deal with grief but almost all of what we hear and are taught to believe is misinformation.  We want to know how to heal the hurt and to be able to move on with our lives. How do we do that?

As a certified Grief Recovery Specialist and grief counselor, I can give you more than enough information about grief.  But even with your head filled with information about grief, you would not necessarily feel better or be equipped to move on with your life.  Information alone is not what grievers need because it is intellectual.  You can’t fix a broken heart with the head.  Since grief is emotional, it needs to be dealt with at the emotional level.

When you review the loss of your loved one you will generally review it in three categories.  You will wish some things were better, some things were different and that you had more of some things.  The, “more, better, different” areas cause the hurt and preoccupation and keep us stuck unless they are dealt with in a healthy way.

Grief is unique.  No individual feels exactly the same way after a loss.  Even siblings do not grieve the exact same way over the loss of their parent.  We feel individual losses differently as well.  Each relationship is unique so each loss is unique.  Other factors to consider are:

• The circumstances surrounding the death (tragic accidents, homicide, suicide, etc.)
• Your loss history (grief is cumulative and negative, it builds up with each loss)
• Your perception of how you should act and feel (most often misinformation)
• How close your relationship was
• The support you have
• Religious and cultural beliefs

A common belief is that most grief can be dealt with the same way.  What helped me (or at least I thought it did) will help you.  Much advice comes out of this mind set.  Grief is unique and very individualistic. 

Finally, grief is a process.  Time does not heal our wounds.  How much time is enough for us to heal? Grief-Recovery is a process of understanding the misinformation we have relied upon to get better and then to make small and correct choices that lead to recovery.  We are then able to move forward.  Since grief is emotional, not intellectual, we teach a process that deals with grief at the emotional level.

There is a schedule of our classes on this site under the title, “Schedule” or you can check out the Grief Recovery Institute at www.grief.net for more information and a group in your area.