We tend to live in the past or the future.  It is interesting to me that we like to be in control of our lives, yet we can not control the past or the future.  At best, we can only influence the future by choices we make in the present.  Someone said, “We can’t control what may lie ahead, or what lies behind, but we can live fully in what is now.”  We tend to regret the past and worry about the future.

Remember that today was tomorrow yesterday.  Time is fluid and it always moving forward but we can only exist in the moment.  We exist in the moment we call “now.”

So why do we spend so much time worrying about the future or regretting things in the past?  I believe it is because we feel secure in the past or future. We get used to we regret and worry.  It can be come a lifestyle to worry or we play the victim and live with regrets.  We get so used to regret and worry that they become our friends.  We are comfortable with them even though we are miserable.  We choose misery over change.  Change means we venture into the unknown.  Pain in the present is preferred over the unknown.  I would like to think you have had enough pain.

The ugly truth is that pain does become comfortable.  That’s why wives stay with husbands who beat them up.  Not because they like it but because they are afraid of the unknown that the change would bring.  At least she knows what to expect and how to deal with it.  Living in the moment means leaving now and stepping into the unknown not knowing what will be there when you arrive.

We hate change and we hate uncertainty.  Both are part of the moment. Change forces us to do something different and that brings uncertainty.  So how do we deal with change and uncertainty and live in the moment?  I would suggest four things.

1.  Move first - feel later

Every weekday morning my alarm goes off.  I do not feel like getting up but I do get up and after I am up for a short time, I feel like being up.  In fact I have no desire to get back to bed.  You see, my feelings caught up to my action.  When we take action, even if we do not feel like it, our feelings will catch up to our actions.

So many times we wait to act until we feel like it.  The delay may last for a lifetime.  Ask yourself how many things you have not yet done, that you know you should do, because you haven’t felt like doing it.  If we wait to make a change until we feel like it, chances are we will never make it.

If I wait to forgive someone until I feel like it, chances are I will never forgive them.  However, if I take the action of forgiveness first, chances are I will feel like I have forgiven them.  Act first and you will feel later.  Feelings will catch up to the actions.

What complicates the issue is that there are many decisions we make because we feel like it first.  Anything that brings pleasure is almost always something we feel like doing first and then we act.  Therefore, we get used to waiting to act until we feel like it, but there are times when we must act first and let the feelings catch up.  It seems the hard decisions in life are that way.

2.  Plan for the future

It is doubtful if anyone would disagree with planning for the future, however, if we think about it there may be a problem with the motive for planning. Some plans are made out of fear for the future and some plans never get made because living in the past requires no future plans.

Principle number one requires us to move first and feel later.  We may need to plan for the future even when we do not feel like it.  Even living in the moment requires we give thought to the future and make good plans.  Those plans can free us up to move first and therefore feel better because we are not worried about the future.

Have you ever noticed that the anticipation of an event is usually more emotional than the event itself?  That can mean dreading an event or being excited about one.  Either way, we live out the possibilities and react to them emotionally.  Then by the time we are at the event it is not as intense as the scenarios we played out in our minds.  Planning for the future does not include trying to live in the future, it means plan and live in the moment.

 3. Seek support from others

A solitary journey is a lonely one.  Being independent does not mean excluding others from our lives.  There is wisdom in the counsel of many.  A wise person hears the counsel and makes a decision.  Living in the moment means we listen to others.

Seek out support from the right people.  Some people take a lot from us emotionally.  They require our time and give back little.  Some people are bulldozers and push their agenda on us.  Then there are those who refresh our spirits.  They give and take in balance.  We feel valued because they listen and respect us.  We feel useful because we can, at times, help them.  But most importantly, we get support from them.

One of the most powerful word pictures for me of the kind of person I need in my life is the heart with ears.  Visualize a valentine type red heart with big ears and no mouth.  That is a picture of a compassionate listener.  At times we all need to be a heart with ears and at times we need to have one for support.

4.  Expect surprises

Along this journey we call life there will be surprises.  There is a word that I love to incorporate in my life’s journey and that is “serendipity” which is the luck of discovering something you were not looking for.  It is the surprise, the pleasant and unexpected one.  Only living in the moment allows us to be able to experience the surprise of serendipity.

How exciting is the adventure of life is we embrace the surprise in the moment, rather than miss it because we are so task oriented or fearfully treading our way through life.  Put the adventure back in life by living in the moment.

Imagine that you are watching a parade pass by.  A couple of clowns come by and you smile and laugh at them.  Immediately following is a cowboy riding horse who stops and draws his six-shooter and fires off a couple of rounds in the air (blanks of course).  You jump in a moment of fear as the “fight or flight” feeling flows through you.  As you barely catch your breath, a beautiful float comes by.  You are in awe of the beauty of this float.

As each element of the parade came by, you had a different emotion.  You laughed, you jumped in fear and you were in awe of beauty.  That is living in the moment.  What if you had remained stuck on fear from the gun shots?  You would have totally missed out on the beauty of the float.  Live in the moment, enjoy the journey and you have a serendipity from time to time.