When we are deeply affected by grief, we often wonder where God is. Has he suddenly gone silent? Many people have told me that they have prayed, even pleaded with God and they have received no answer. They ask, “Is he even there or is he just ignoring me?” God is there and he is not silent.

There are several aspects to the answer of this dilemma. One is that we have choices and we can take some action. Imagine your car has a flat tire. You can sit down by the tire and ask God to fix the tire. You will be met with silence and the tire remains flat. Another action you could take is to call for help and pray they get there in a hurry. Sometimes we have to put certain actions into motion for God to answer us. Seeing a grief counselor, clergy person, attending a support group, and reading books on grief, are a few of the steps you can take. Of course, we suggest the Grief Recovery Outreach Programs would be our recommendation as the best place to start.

Another aspect has to do with God’s presence. His presence is not always felt. In other words, he can be there and be giving comfort, but we do not feel his presence for some reason. The fact that we do not feel his comfort does not mean he is not there. The fact that we cannot hear him does not mean that he is not speaking. Have you ever wondered how you would have made it through a very rough time if you had not had God in your life? In the middle of the mess, did you feel God’s comfort? If not, does that mean he was never there? You made it through even though you were wounded and battered. Someone beyond yourself aided you so you could get though. Could that have been God?

Finally, I believe when we are suffering, depressed and what some call “grief stricken”, we tend to ask God (over and over) “Why?” Why would God permit this to happen? Why, God, why? The theme is a familiar one to anyone who has suffered a tragic loss. I am reminded of the story of Job in the Old Testament. Job had a series of losses that included losing all of his land and assets, his children died, and he suffered painful health issues, disgrace and rejection. If that was not enough, some close friends tried to cheer him up with all kinds of advice.

Every one of Job’s friends were trying to answer the question Job was asking, “Why?” Why did God allow all this loss to happen? Where is God now? Why is he silent?

I think that is the wrong question to ask. Job tried to ask why and so did each of his three friends. No one could find an answer. Then God showed up.

When God showed up, he started asking questions. The questions God asked all had to do with God things that humankind has no knowledge of. The point was that God is so much bigger than we are that we cannot comprehend the big picture. If we could see the past, the present and the future in full detail, we would not have to ask why. Someone said that we live the life on earth as a learning center to build our character for what we shall be in the afterlife. We are constantly creating character qualities that will make up our being when get to heaven. And there are just some things that are beyond our comprehension. Only God has the big picture and sees how our life event’s fit into the big picture. There are several questions we eventually learn to ask instead of “why.” “What” is a good question. What can I learn from this experience? That would be a good start.

Okay, so what if we don’t understand? All we can say is “why God?” That too is good. For our own emotional health, we must ask questions, maybe get angry and vent to someone, or anyone, or even God. But when things settle down maybe we can get our minds around the idea that asking why maybe the wrong question.