As a grief counselor, this time of year my counseling load increase dramatically. Depression due to recent or past losses seem to increase as the holidays approach. the holidays are so family oriented and happy times of celebration that when a loved one is not present, it becomes difficult to cope with the loss. All the traditions and times together with friends and family are different and lonely without the loved one. Following are some tips on coping with the holidays.

• If this is the first holiday season without your loved one, give yourself permission to stay home or be alone for some events. You may want to get away for a couple of days by going out of town and staying at a nice place.
• Change some traditions. Traditions can be tied so closely with relationships that without the other person around, the tradition is more hurtful than helpful. Either change the tradition or add a new one.
• Remember your loved one by name. Your family and friends are often think they are protecting you by not bringing up your loved one by name. The truth is that grievers would like to talk about their loved one. If your family and friends do not bring up your loved one, take a deep breath and talk about a memory. If the reaction is not what you wanted then you know its time to try again with a smaller group or with other people.
• If you have been doing the entertaining in the past, give yourself permission to let someone else do it at their home this year.
• Do not isolate yourself. You may not feel like going anywhere or doing anything. Just getting out of bed in the morning may seem impossible. You will continue to go deeper and deeper into grief depression if you allow yourself to isolate. It will be very hard to be around happy people and all the holiday “cheer” but it will be even harder on you if you remain isolated.