How do I forgive myself?

• Tell yourself you are forgiven: There is power in self-talk. Say it out loud. If you need to, look into the mirror and look in the reflection of your eyes and say it. “God forgives you and so do I!”

• We repeat it: Our memory will not be erased. Memory can trigger the old guilt and self-condemnation. We will need to say it again. Go back to step one. It will eventually stick in your soul.

• We keep it to ourselves: There is no need to share it with others. If the one you wronged or anyone who knew about the situation found out you felt good because you forgave yourself they might want to strangle you. There is no need to share this news with others.

• We act like it, even if we don’t talk about it: The one we have wounded will not want us to act like we are forgiven. They want us to wallow in our guilt and misery and shame. They will not invite us to their parties. They may not want to even greet us when we run into each other. None of that is your responsibility. You are responsible for your own actions only, period.

• You have a license from God to act that way. God forgave you and you forgave yourself. You should walk into some of the old places where you never thought you could go because of your shame and guilt. That makes it easier to know you are forgiven.

• Do something extravagant: There was a woman, a prostitute that crashed a dinner party where Jesus was the guest. She wet his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. Then she poured expensive ointment on his feet and massaged it in. The host did not want her there. He was important in the religious community of his day. She sneaked in anyway hit the floor at Jesus’ feet and did her thing. She took a great gamble as she could have been bodily thrown out. What made her do something that crazy? Jesus knew why. She had been forgiven much. Anyone who knows she has been forgiven much loves much. That is why she felt so free. After she had done her foot washing she was even surer of her forgiveness. She had forgiven herself.

• Do something crazy. Send roses to the person who will not forgive you. Give some money to a homeless person. Do anything nice that the practical part of you will tell you is crazy. Celebrate the miracle of feeling forgiven.

From The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B Smedes